allllllyyyyalllyyally.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:43:10 GMT

2008 was boring?

January:
-woke up completely hung over from the worst black out '07 (and somehow stayed in that state mentally for most of '08)
-went back to school and got close with good friends
February:
-had a surprise nice valentines day
-planned a sweet trip to florida
March:
-went to florida for the first time with my villanova bffs (chaotic trip)
-finished my application to transfer
April:
-had nice times in nice spring weather with good friends at school
May:
-came home from school
-started a relationship
June:
-fought a lot
-chilled with my bffs
July:
-relationship ended against my will
-let that ruin the rest of my summer
-turned 19 with two really fun parties and bffs (from home and school)
August:
-dwelled in my own sadness and let the summer pass me by
-got into NYU, got my loans, and got housing after so much stress and so many complications
September:
-started going to school in the city
-hung out with joey and lj a lot
October:
-dwelled in my own sadness and let first semester pass me by
-visited everyone at villanova for meagans bday
-enjoyed the party that was NYC on halloween as a flapper
November:
-did a lot of school work
-spent a lot of time in brooklyn
December:
-got pretty good grades first semester
-came home to bffs
-started emerging from the blackout i started the year with
-started fixing relationship

moral of the year: learn to keep my head up

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 18:32:01 GMT

I need to go to the doctor.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:35:56 GMT

things never look the same up close as they do from a distance.

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 23:47:29 GMT

blogspot

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:12:24 GMT

i saw conor oberst last night and it was fantastic. today was also a really nice day and a really nice conversation. i am so fortunate, and i do acknowledge that, but the meantime is just shitty. oh well, what can you do? right?

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 03:23:32 GMT

PLEASe just GET OUT OF MY LIFE LSEKjfls;kdjfa;lwdksfjalsfjal;sdkfjal;wdksghja;oeildhsgf
vadslcgjkav'ewdlcjkg
avewdo;scgjledkscgjlkvesdjcgl;kvjgvaer
dgjAWEGKXAdkos;gVADSC:GLJSDCKL:GJFAWDS:cfjadlskcxjfgvads
cgv;kdjsfgl'kesdrfjcgl;kjversdgkle
rW GET OUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!sFSDFKJSDfs
dfgkljdsfl'kajsdfl;kasjdf;lkasdjg;lkflsdjkcg;lkdjsl;kjsechp'igou4ier[0t938epwds90tfgiouvje;dklrhzjB{ESL?Dj0 [v4ditu a
wpes[d9t8q34[eotugpa8eoilradfkhjgb;ledf,cgjAW${)E"%:Pt8ai0w49ep8tam
gwesd{Xgojve lrdfkcghjberdfocxhglk3 [048oerwituagzsED
STUPID

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 23:27:37 GMT

i wish there was like some arrangement of words that could possibly explain my frustration. but there's not.

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 21:29:44 GMT

actions.... wait.... no, yeah, they still speak louder than words.
translucent girl bullshit...
finally a break from homework
gotta catch up on gossip girl (which made me cry last week) and greys anatomy (2 weeks behind)
we're too old to make decisions based on fear
obama is the next president of the united states
i just watched v for vendetta in my class and loved it
one inch of integrity
dumb hoes singing in the cafeteria
conor oberst on saturday :)
chillin
my spanish class is really cool

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 05:29:56 GMT

i don't know why it makes me feel so much better to write in here but it does...
i need to go to an endocrinologist.
i have a very busy week, including the first of 11 one-hour psych study sessions that im getting paid $110 to participate in... cool
i'm looking forward to thanksgiving break so much

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:33:18 GMT

lj finally fucking gets it
why don't you

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 02:50:46 GMT

The power of friendship is incredible. There are few things more valuable than a good friend.

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:30:43 GMT

I don't deserve to feel like this.

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:53:49 GMT

These past few days I've been able to see how much I really have regained control over myself. I'm coming a point. There's some imaginary line drawn in the sand, which I guess is established by my interpretation of my own self worth, and I am currently standing right on top of that line. Anything can push me to either side, and I do not want to be pushed onto the other side. If you aren't willing to try to keep me on the right side of that line, I don't know what the hell I've been doing for the past four months.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:00:18 GMT

Time waits for no man but you.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 03:05:10 GMT

I'm still here, but not for long.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:09:25 GMT

Progress.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 04:49:55 GMT

and in the battle of actions vs. words, actions will always win. sucks.

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:01:49 GMT

AND to coninue from that entry
My night continued to be one of the most interesting nights ever. It was an experience unique to only New York University that just made me think "this is why I came here, this is exactly the kind of new world that I want to be in." There's so much in the world that people don't see. There's so many different people and different ways of life that are acknowledged but never experienced. The last 48 hours have just been such a nice, refreshing change of pace.

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:54:19 GMT

To elaborate on my last entry:
After I got back to my room I was exhasted, but I still just caught myself bumpin' around, doing laundry, cleaning things, getting my school stuff together, putting clothes away, showering, organizing. An object in motion stays in motion!

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 23:50:25 GMT

"Inertia" refers to an object's resistance to change in velocity. AKA an object in motion stays in motion. This was on my mind today when I was walking down Astor towards St. Marks to buy shoes. It was around 7 and pretty dark out and I realized that I had been moving since 8 that morning, and I felt so much happier than when I usually come back after class and nap for a large portion of the day and kill time with dumb shit. I got up, came back from Brooklyn, took a Statistics test, showered, met Joey near Washington Square, ate, went to Times Square so Joey could go to Buffalo, came back, went to a Psychology study, sat on a bench near a window and craaanked out a paper, went to Spanish, got dinner, went to St. Marks, got the greatest gloves ever for $7 instead of $10, got cool shoes on sale for $30 instead of $50, and then came back to my room. Gareat success.

Note: I just got an email giving me the option to "buy out the rest of my suite before they make room changes." AKA I'm getting another roommate. All I'm gunna say is she better be going in the other room. I'm a sophomore in a freshman building. I sware to God.

so scared

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:49:25 GMT

when you smile,
the sun,
it peeks through the clouds.

brainstorming

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:19:39 GMT

i have about a half an hour until i have to go to class but i don't really feel like getting dressed for it i stayed at pratt last night and decided not to go to my class this morning because it is really very pointless and the recitation is really all that matters plus he doesn't take attendance and i wanted to sleep so i came back at like 12 with joey bc he was going to penn station and i did mostly nothing all day my stomach is not really accepting food today and i don't have much of an appetite it sucks oh and i don't feel like getting dressed for class really it's a waste to put on clothes for like an hour you know? i don't think i've had jeans on in over 24 hours either i blame it on the cold air i spent WAY too much money this week i don't know what to do i hate money its too stressful i guess eventually i'll have to get a job also though i get to go back and work thanksgiving and winter break but in the meantime i really need to stop spending dollars i don't have enough of them i have to make a meeting to make my schedule for next semester but i have to give the health center my health records first so annoying today when i got off the subway at 14th street i started walking up the stairs to get on the L and i already missed you im glad and relieved that i have more control over my feelings and attitudes it makes it easier but only to a certain extent i think i'm really missing everyone from home right now i wonder if i ever won't miss everyone if i ever will have this completely new life i really don't think i will even when i do start my own life people who i love will always be a part of it if my parents go to sarah's family weekend this weekend im going to go with them free food boston kewl things and maybe i'll get to see frank/jen too then the next weekend is halloween then the next weekend is conor oberst i need a free halloween costume they cost too many dollars blah actions speak louder than words im tired of talking words about this situation i want the actions to speak for themselves i'm going to let it happen like you did let whatever happens happen which i have been doing but now is really the test now is where changes start happening and i have to wait them all out but i feel okay about it and its cool how communication doesn't depend entirely on words actions speak too blah i feel so antsy

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:23:21 GMT

i really want long hair again so i'm growing it. i love rainbow cookies and coffee with french vanilla creamer. i love feeling this relaxed for the first time in months. i love going to school in the city and it being so easy to go back and forth from home to school. i love the fall and the cold air and the leaves and warm clothes. i like my bangs the way they are. i like family dinners and driving my sisters places. i want to get new flats, a pair of boots, white vans, and new jeans. oh and a winter jacket. i'm so excited to see conor oberst november 8th. i'm so excited for halloween. i'm so excited for most of my work for this semester to be done in a few weeks (3 papers due nov 3rd.)

this is crazy. i feel like myself. i'm looking forward to the future.

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:22:47 GMT

My intuition is ridiculously reliable.
It's also telling me that it's only going to get easier from here.

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 20:16:08 GMT

Two things.

Last night I watched my sisters friends bitch at each other on the phone. I then thought about how I really haven't fought with any of my friends in the longest time. I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm not pissing someone off, and the people who I have in my life don't look for every opportunity to make me feel like a bad friend. It isn't a competition. We're friends because we love each other and each other's company, and that's it. I'm very grateful for that. Then, today at work I thought about all the random friends that I have and how they are so incredible. I have met people and gotten close to them in the strangest ways, and I am so lucky. I may not have a cohesive group of girl friends, but the girls that I know are better than anyone I could have asked for. It's clear that I'm drawn to a certain type of person based on who I choose to surround myself with, but even still, everyone I know is so different. None of them are perfect, but they are real friends. They have big hearts, and I know that I can count on them. Not everyone can say the same. I'm so grateful for that.

and

It's strange how in a night I found the ability to pull it together and find the confidence and strength to just let it all happen. I feel stronger and calmer than I have in months. The best part is that the more I find the strength to be like this, the easier it gets. It feels so much better to be calm and happy than to be sad and worried. I want to feel like myself again, and I finally feel like I'm headed in the right direction.

The weather is helping me so much. I love this time of year.